I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
