those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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