party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
