there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
