yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
