she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
