New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
