youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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