so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
