I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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