Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
