i don't plan on having that self control this summer
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
