that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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