Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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