Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I want to fling myself into the sun
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
