I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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