i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
