the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
that may or may not have been my penis.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
