either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
