I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
