Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
