life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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