just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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