please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
