This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Randomize
