Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
