forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
