I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
