she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
