She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
