I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
