Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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