my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
