well I can't set my house on fire every night
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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