he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
