Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
