i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
