I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize