Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
