His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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