I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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