Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
