The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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