OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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