Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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