just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
