And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
