my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
