Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
