So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
