I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
