I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
