I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
