My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There r osticjed everywhere
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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